Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I had run out of hope.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

The sadness was still there.

My landlord just sold the house I’m renting from her. She included all fixtures, that I bought and installed. Does she have this right?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Be who you already are.

And the sadness?

Why don't I get sleep at nights?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s here now, writing to you.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

How anorexia whittled away Carly Kempf's life - Times Union

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Why are patients' mouths taped shut during surgery? Is this a common practice in all hospitals or only some? What is the purpose of this practice?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Is there such a thing as "left wing fascism"? If not, what is an example of a political ideology that is often mistakenly labeled as "left wing fascism"?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Cardiologist warns ‘many sunscreens are loaded with cancer-causing chemicals’: Here’s how to choose safe options - Hindustan Times

I was tired of fighting.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Why am I so unproductive when it's a holiday the next day?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

You are like me, then.

Strike by Safeway, Albertsons workers to start Sunday in 4 Colorado cities - The Denver Post

It’s still here.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

I was tired of trying and failing.

How can we become the best humans? How can we trust each other?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.